Special: TOP 20 WORST RAPPERS EVER

For every great rapper, there are at least 5 bad ones. The rap game is teeming with horrible rappers. Such that it is difficult to decide on who actually is the worst of the worst (yes it is a very competitive sport). But the schoolboyreview breaks down for you, in my opinion, the twenty worst rappers to ever lay waste, catastrophe, and abominable destruction to our ears. Not only do they abuse the microphone, they venomously suck the life out of a great genre.

20. Puff Daddy/P Diddy/Diddy

Diddy is great at being Diddy when it doesn’t concern rapping. His ad-libbing is awesome. That “jealousy is a motherf*cker” ad-libbing in “My Downfall” was brilliant ignorance. In fact, I don’t mind if Diddy ad-libs a whole album. But please, Mr. Combs, be a kind soul and spare us from your rapping.

19. Benzino

This man is probably the most hated figure in hip hop. He turned what was once one of the greatest music magazines into a tool for propaganda. He repeatedly dissed Eminem and was under the illusion that he was saving hip hop culture doing so. But the funny thing is that this fool can’t even rap. I guess you can understand why the Source rigged the ratings and gave 4 Mics to Benzino’s music at the expense of other, far more talented, rappers.

18. Pitbull

In the beginning, he was tolerable. Songs like “The Anthem” and “Culo” were catchy and fun to listen to. But rhymes like “I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan” simply don’t pass, G.

17. Bubba Sparxxx

Another no-talent hack from the junkyard known officially as Collipark Records. He is all hype and nothing more.

16. Shawty Lo

I think “Laffy Taffy” is enough to certify his position.

15. V Nasty

Too early to tell? F*CK NAW. Her raps are depressingly bad and the only thing that’s going change is that they’re gonna get worse.

14. Chingy

Let’s face it, son: his fanbase mostly consists of twelve-year-olds. You can’t take this guy seriously.

13. Lil Mama

Lil Mama is known for virtually nothing except for stage-crashing the VMAs and that godawful song. Now what was that song called? Oh yeah…

12. Fred Durst

“Whoa? The guy from Limp Bizkit?” Yes, that guy. Limp Bizkit wasn’t a great band mostly because they made some dumb songs. Some of those dumb songs  were still dumb but really catchy like “Nookie” and “Rollin'”. But there is no way any sane person should listen to Fred Durst trying to rap for 60 minutes. It doesn’t even seem like he really wants to rap. It’s like he just wants words to come out of his mouth, regardless if it’s saying the most amount of f-words in a song just to appear badass. And not to mention his freakishly annoying voice…

11. Tony Yayo

Poor Tony. No matter how hard he tries, he just doesn’t seem to realize that his place in life is to be 50 Cent’s business partner. God gave him a voice for the sole purpose of aiding G-Unit on concert stages. He was born to be a hypeman. Rapping is just not one of his natural abilities.

10. Mike Jones

The most memorable line I could remember Mike Jones rapping was this: “Mike Jones.”

9. Plies

Being loud is apparently a profitable venture if you aspire to be a rapper. Ludacris was loud. DMX was loud. 2Pac was loud. Plies was loud. But the thing is the first three guys had talent. Plies is just annoying as f*ck. Still, he made some impact early in his career. So the loudness factor still works.

8. MC Hammer

MC Hammer went from regular rapper from Oakland to pop-rap superstar to the greatest joke in hip hop. At least he once had a small set of decent songs. Now he is thinking of ways to become famous again, namely promoting a “deep search” engine and making a laughably bad diss towards Jay-Z. The best part: the video for the diss even has some dances.

7. Vanilla Ice

Eminem once said that he never wanted to rap again after hearing Vanilla Ice. Vanilla Ice is the dude everyone will remember as that pseudo-gangsta white guy who made that piece of sh*t called “Ice Ice Baby” and that even bigger piece of sh*t called Cool As Ice. It was tragic times indeed for white rappers.

6. Jermaine Dupri

Dupri feels like a filler track. You don’t need him but you need something to fill up that space. He doesn’t say sh*t and makes ridiculous claims that he is better than Dr. Dre and Timbaland. And he is responsible for introducing Kris-Kross and Dem Franchise Boyz, two of the worst rap groups of all time. Ugh.

5. Nick Cannon

Nick Cannon is the man who tries to do everything. The man who tried to be funny. The man who tried to be an actor. The man who tried to look tough in front of Eminem. Here’s some advice, Nicky: stop trying to rap. You sound embarrassing.

4. Birdman

Birdman is a troll. The only reason the guy ever has a rap career is to waste musical space and your f*cking time. He knows he can’t rap. Every time he gets his handrub on, he’s thinking, “Alright? How should I annoy these mothaf*ckas today?”. Case in point: at the end of “We’ll Be Fine”, he wastes time trying to hype up Drake as some Toronto gangsta “taking care of business” and blabbering about his riches. And he’s not even rapping on that song.

3. Soulja Boy

Arguably the dude who started the discussion of “worst rapper ever”, Soulja Boy is the embodiment of what general rap fans hate and what youth listeners like. Ice T famously called Soulja Boy the singular reason why hip hop is getting destroyed. It is a harsh and unrealistic accusation, really. You can’t pinpoint the decline of a genre on one person. In fact, Soulja Boy came in with his own style that other rappers would bite off. So he gets credit for being a pioneer. He still sucks at rapping and makes repetitive, corny ass songs. It makes us wonder how the craze of the youth went from Wu Tang to this.

2. Silkk the Shocker

Silkk the Shocker raps like he doesn’t have a clue on how to rap. No flow, no punch, and no interest. He can’t rap to save his life if he were dangling thirty stories above ground.

1. Master P

Ladies and gentlemen. I present to you the pioneer of them all. There have been horrible rappers in the past. But it was never until this particular man came and shook the Earth never to allow sanity to return again. Lives were lost and dozens became slaves to his musical cancer. He would continue his onslaught for years to come, twelve albums to be precise. And it wasn’t just him. He brought an army of malevolent creatures who laid waste and chaos to our world, mercilessly destroying our people. And as if it wasn’t enough, he had the nerve to do the ghastly unthinkable: write a song while taking a sh*t. Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the worst rapper of all time; the father, godfather, and mother of all trash rappers out there today: Master P.

And now for the “Getting Closer” list:

Lil Wayne

I never thought I would say this four years ago but Weezy is edging closer and closer to the actual list. He has been releasing sub-par and inconsistent effort for a while and seems to be believing his own hype too much. He is a great rapper otherwise. Even today, I can still go back and listen to Da Drought 3. But he needs to think of better lines than “I know you fake, n*gga/ Press yo brakes, n*gga/ I’ll take you out/ That’s a date, n*gga”. He also needs to think of better album titles than “Tha Carter” and “I Am Not a Human Being”.

Lil B

I think it’s obvious that Lil B is just doing those trash rap songs for the hell of it, as he does from time to time make actually meaningful music. But the fact that he makes a million songs a year makes him sound tired in every subsequent release. Almost to the point where he is parodying himself which is ironic because he is the one who looks like a parody of other rappers. I like Lil B but dude needs to take a break for a while and focus on making better music.

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SPECIAL: RIP MCA & A TALK ABOUT SATIRE

For this post, I would like to start off with the bad news that saddened the hip hop world yesterday. MCA of the Beastie Boys, as you know, has succumbed to cancer after announcing in 2009 of scheduled treatment to try to stop this monstrous disease. It is unfortunate that we had to lose such a talent, visionary, and pioneer like MCA. But I guess it is a reminder that life is short. You could never say that the Beastie Boys never enjoyed life. Even after selling millions of records, earning national and worldwide fame, they never stopped their hunger. And they never broke up and sticked by each other till the end. And through their music, they showed how you have to value life for every day, hour, minute, and second you have. Even at age 40, they probably had more fun than anyone at 20 has right now. So all I’m saying is, life is what you make it. Make the best of it so that when it is your time to go, you will feel satisfied that you lived a damn good life.

Now a word about “satire”

I don’t usually do this but I felt it was so necessary to bring this up. Yesterday, some New York Post reviewer was accused of making racist remarks in an attempt to be satirical.

As long as the Nets are allowing Jay-Z to call their marketing shots — what a shock that he chose black and white as the new team colors to stress, as the Nets explained, their new “urban” home — why not have him apply the full Jay-Z treatment?

Why the Brooklyn Nets when they can be the New York N——s? The cheerleaders could be the Brooklyn B—-hes or Hoes. Team logo? A 9 mm with hollow-tip shell casings strewn beneath. Wanna be Jay-Z hip? Then go all the way!

The writer, Phil Mushnick, later claimed that his comments were meant to be satirical:

Such obvious, wishful and ignorant mischaracterizations of what I write are common. I don’t call black men the N-word; I don’t regard young women as bitches and whores; I don’t glorify the use of assault weapons and drugs. Jay-Z, on the other hand…..Is he the only NBA owner allowed to call black men N—ers?

Jay-Z profits from the worst and most sustaining self-enslaving stereotypes of black-American culture and I’M the racist? Some truths, I guess, are just hard to read, let alone think about

Now, at first glance, it’s racist. No doubt. But when you see the reason why he wrote it, you kinda have to think about it. It is true that Jay-Z’s music does feature some of those stereotypes and it is also true, he makes big money off of it. But I think Mushnick was under the impression that Jay-Z was a misogynistic, violent Uncle Tom (with a wife, no guns, and many black friends). Mushnick maybe could have looked at it better and found better wording. So f*ck him, right?

Or is it just the nature of racial satire?

I personally feel that race is something that can NEVER be satired. Because anyone will interpret it as racist. And nobody is gonna look any deeper than that. Pointing out the stereotypes is one thing. Making fun of them is another. Pointing out the flaws in a racial community is not considered racist. People will take it as fact. Ice Cube made a song called “Us” where he pointed out the various flaws in the black community. But no one called Cube an Uncle Tom. And not because he is Ice Cube, the African American your mother is scared to death of. It is because what he said was true. But imagine Cube doing the song in a more satirical fashion. I’m not sure if Cube would be alive if he did that.

The problem is not the people who interpret the satire. It is the nature of the satire itself. Race is way too touchy of a subject to make a satire of. People will mistake your mocking, supposedly insightful comments as bigotry. Race is one of the only things that can never be put in a joke. It is just not possible to pass off a satirical comment on race and NOT be considered a racist. So satirists, don’t even bother.

Once again, RIP MCA.

Links: http://thecelebritycafe.com/feature/2012/05/new-york-post-s-phil-mushnick-causes-controversy-suggesting-brooklyn-nets-be-called-

http://www.bobsblitz.com/2012/05/exclusive-phil-mushnick-responds-to.html