Special: TOP 20 WORST RAPPERS EVER

For every great rapper, there are at least 5 bad ones. The rap game is teeming with horrible rappers. Such that it is difficult to decide on who actually is the worst of the worst (yes it is a very competitive sport). But the schoolboyreview breaks down for you, in my opinion, the twenty worst rappers to ever lay waste, catastrophe, and abominable destruction to our ears. Not only do they abuse the microphone, they venomously suck the life out of a great genre.

20. Puff Daddy/P Diddy/Diddy

Diddy is great at being Diddy when it doesn’t concern rapping. His ad-libbing is awesome. That “jealousy is a motherf*cker” ad-libbing in “My Downfall” was brilliant ignorance. In fact, I don’t mind if Diddy ad-libs a whole album. But please, Mr. Combs, be a kind soul and spare us from your rapping.

19. Benzino

This man is probably the most hated figure in hip hop. He turned what was once one of the greatest music magazines into a tool for propaganda. He repeatedly dissed Eminem and was under the illusion that he was saving hip hop culture doing so. But the funny thing is that this fool can’t even rap. I guess you can understand why the Source rigged the ratings and gave 4 Mics to Benzino’s music at the expense of other, far more talented, rappers.

18. Pitbull

In the beginning, he was tolerable. Songs like “The Anthem” and “Culo” were catchy and fun to listen to. But rhymes like “I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan” simply don’t pass, G.

17. Bubba Sparxxx

Another no-talent hack from the junkyard known officially as Collipark Records. He is all hype and nothing more.

16. Shawty Lo

I think “Laffy Taffy” is enough to certify his position.

15. V Nasty

Too early to tell? F*CK NAW. Her raps are depressingly bad and the only thing that’s going change is that they’re gonna get worse.

14. Chingy

Let’s face it, son: his fanbase mostly consists of twelve-year-olds. You can’t take this guy seriously.

13. Lil Mama

Lil Mama is known for virtually nothing except for stage-crashing the VMAs and that godawful song. Now what was that song called? Oh yeah…

12. Fred Durst

“Whoa? The guy from Limp Bizkit?” Yes, that guy. Limp Bizkit wasn’t a great band mostly because they made some dumb songs. Some of those dumb songs  were still dumb but really catchy like “Nookie” and “Rollin'”. But there is no way any sane person should listen to Fred Durst trying to rap for 60 minutes. It doesn’t even seem like he really wants to rap. It’s like he just wants words to come out of his mouth, regardless if it’s saying the most amount of f-words in a song just to appear badass. And not to mention his freakishly annoying voice…

11. Tony Yayo

Poor Tony. No matter how hard he tries, he just doesn’t seem to realize that his place in life is to be 50 Cent’s business partner. God gave him a voice for the sole purpose of aiding G-Unit on concert stages. He was born to be a hypeman. Rapping is just not one of his natural abilities.

10. Mike Jones

The most memorable line I could remember Mike Jones rapping was this: “Mike Jones.”

9. Plies

Being loud is apparently a profitable venture if you aspire to be a rapper. Ludacris was loud. DMX was loud. 2Pac was loud. Plies was loud. But the thing is the first three guys had talent. Plies is just annoying as f*ck. Still, he made some impact early in his career. So the loudness factor still works.

8. MC Hammer

MC Hammer went from regular rapper from Oakland to pop-rap superstar to the greatest joke in hip hop. At least he once had a small set of decent songs. Now he is thinking of ways to become famous again, namely promoting a “deep search” engine and making a laughably bad diss towards Jay-Z. The best part: the video for the diss even has some dances.

7. Vanilla Ice

Eminem once said that he never wanted to rap again after hearing Vanilla Ice. Vanilla Ice is the dude everyone will remember as that pseudo-gangsta white guy who made that piece of sh*t called “Ice Ice Baby” and that even bigger piece of sh*t called Cool As Ice. It was tragic times indeed for white rappers.

6. Jermaine Dupri

Dupri feels like a filler track. You don’t need him but you need something to fill up that space. He doesn’t say sh*t and makes ridiculous claims that he is better than Dr. Dre and Timbaland. And he is responsible for introducing Kris-Kross and Dem Franchise Boyz, two of the worst rap groups of all time. Ugh.

5. Nick Cannon

Nick Cannon is the man who tries to do everything. The man who tried to be funny. The man who tried to be an actor. The man who tried to look tough in front of Eminem. Here’s some advice, Nicky: stop trying to rap. You sound embarrassing.

4. Birdman

Birdman is a troll. The only reason the guy ever has a rap career is to waste musical space and your f*cking time. He knows he can’t rap. Every time he gets his handrub on, he’s thinking, “Alright? How should I annoy these mothaf*ckas today?”. Case in point: at the end of “We’ll Be Fine”, he wastes time trying to hype up Drake as some Toronto gangsta “taking care of business” and blabbering about his riches. And he’s not even rapping on that song.

3. Soulja Boy

Arguably the dude who started the discussion of “worst rapper ever”, Soulja Boy is the embodiment of what general rap fans hate and what youth listeners like. Ice T famously called Soulja Boy the singular reason why hip hop is getting destroyed. It is a harsh and unrealistic accusation, really. You can’t pinpoint the decline of a genre on one person. In fact, Soulja Boy came in with his own style that other rappers would bite off. So he gets credit for being a pioneer. He still sucks at rapping and makes repetitive, corny ass songs. It makes us wonder how the craze of the youth went from Wu Tang to this.

2. Silkk the Shocker

Silkk the Shocker raps like he doesn’t have a clue on how to rap. No flow, no punch, and no interest. He can’t rap to save his life if he were dangling thirty stories above ground.

1. Master P

Ladies and gentlemen. I present to you the pioneer of them all. There have been horrible rappers in the past. But it was never until this particular man came and shook the Earth never to allow sanity to return again. Lives were lost and dozens became slaves to his musical cancer. He would continue his onslaught for years to come, twelve albums to be precise. And it wasn’t just him. He brought an army of malevolent creatures who laid waste and chaos to our world, mercilessly destroying our people. And as if it wasn’t enough, he had the nerve to do the ghastly unthinkable: write a song while taking a sh*t. Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the worst rapper of all time; the father, godfather, and mother of all trash rappers out there today: Master P.

And now for the “Getting Closer” list:

Lil Wayne

I never thought I would say this four years ago but Weezy is edging closer and closer to the actual list. He has been releasing sub-par and inconsistent effort for a while and seems to be believing his own hype too much. He is a great rapper otherwise. Even today, I can still go back and listen to Da Drought 3. But he needs to think of better lines than “I know you fake, n*gga/ Press yo brakes, n*gga/ I’ll take you out/ That’s a date, n*gga”. He also needs to think of better album titles than “Tha Carter” and “I Am Not a Human Being”.

Lil B

I think it’s obvious that Lil B is just doing those trash rap songs for the hell of it, as he does from time to time make actually meaningful music. But the fact that he makes a million songs a year makes him sound tired in every subsequent release. Almost to the point where he is parodying himself which is ironic because he is the one who looks like a parody of other rappers. I like Lil B but dude needs to take a break for a while and focus on making better music.

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The Review: LIFE IS GOOD by Nas

PRE-REVIEW:

It’s been a month. Sorry to all who were waiting. I admit I had lost interest in doing these reviews but now that I’ve listened to Nas’ album, I feel inspired enough to do more reviews. I will try my best to be more regular. Probably a post per week. We’ll see. But thank you for your patience.

REVIEW:

On the cover of the album, Nas sits in a reflective stance as he sits on a leather seat with his ex-wife’s wedding dress, apparently the one thing she left behind after their ugly divorce. One would think that Nas has plenty to be angry about. This is the same man who wrote “Ether” and other venomous attacks towards his foes. But in the opening track (so aptly titled “No Introduction”), he realizes that he is not faultless and instead of spewing hatred on Kelis, he sends love claiming, “life is good”.

Life is good? Years ago, life was treated far differently, as many hip hop fans can recall. But the Nas of today is different from the Nas of years ago. He confesses that he has “been rich longer than [he] has been broke”. The rapper once known as Nasty Nas lived the street life, where a way out seemed impossible unless it meant death. But now that he has been rich for so long, the street life seems to only be a memory rather than reality. Nas sees that his problems lie elsewhere. In “Daughters”, he sees the difficulties in being a righteous father-figure when he himself doesn’t have a clean history. He understands that he was not the faithful husband he should have been. But he also doesn’t hesitate to ask why Kelis would give up so quickly when they had such a close relationship (“Bye Baby”).

Yet all this drama seems to serve as motivation as Nas runs through the album with complex flows and pin-point precision, weaving pictures of his younger days and his life now. It’s a mix of braggadocio and reflection, many times within the same verse. For example, “You Wouldn’t Understand”:

Hudson River, rent a boat, t-shirt with a dinner coat
A vintage Fila like I’m the ghost of Domencio
On any day getting throwed in a tinted vehicle
Like a old BK gangsta, but I’m the CEO
Of Nasty Nas Enterprise, mastermind, made men
My success symbolizes loyalty, great friends
Dedication, hard work, routine builds character
In a world full of snakes, rats and scavengers

And not only is Nas lyrically reinvigorated, but his beat selection has vastly improved with Salaam Remi and No ID handling most of the production. From the dramatic piano and choirs of “Accident Murderers” to the sweet soul of “Cherry Wine” with heavy reminisces of the 1990s sound, the production is almost golden, save for the out-of-place “Summer on Smash” produced by Swizz Beatz. The album also features a small guest-list (Rick Ross is the only other rapper who has a verse), allowing Nas to dominate the album from start to finish with his guests acting as proper guests. Ross, in particular delivers a memorable yet irrelevant verse on “Accident Murderers” (he talks more about rags-to-riches than “accident murderers”).

Life is good for Nas despite all the shortcomings. As the man pushes 40, he feels he has much to look forward to, now that he is a much wiser man, having learned from his past. He understands that neither life nor he is perfect and that his past may make look like a punching bag. But he also understands that his past is what makes him relatable. And the fact that he is relatable factors in his legacy as one of the greatest rappers on the mic. So at the end, you’ll end up laughing at him or laughing with him.

Rating: 8.75/10